CSI: Clutter Scene Investigation

By Cyndi Seidler
10/06/06

Looking out into the large living room of a recently divorced woman, one thing was clear: she had stuff.

Clutter surrounded almost every square foot of her room where there wasn't furniture, and even the furniture looked like grouped clutter. At a glance, it was practically horrifying. With a more focused eye, it was just plain scary.

The woman started clearing some toppled boxes that fell into some of her walkways around the room, and then gave up. "Just step over the mess and come over here," she said while pointing at a stack of clothing on a recliner chair.

I shuffled my way over to her and the clothing pile, careful not to touch other things looming around me. I put my gloves on and picked up a shirt at the top of the pile and looked up at the woman.

"Has this pile of clothes been here long?" I asked. It looked like it lived there for years with the rest of the things around it, but I had to ask.

"It's my ex-husband's clothes. He didn't take them when he left and now I don't know what to do with them, " she explained.

I knew exactly what to do with them. The fact that she didn't know amused me a little. I mean, what would the average divorced woman do if her cheating husband left his clothes behind?

"Toss 'em," I suggested in sort of a commanding manner.

I was half expecting some resistance, since she hadn't already done it herself, but she only smiled and then agreed to the plan.

Upon further investigation at the scene of the clutter crime, it was found that only a small percentage of it was ex-husband related. The rest of it was hers. If I was a tough consultant, I would have booked her on charges of over-indulgence and neglect.

The Hoarder Task Force would have locked her out of her home and marked it with a sign "Unfit for human habitation." They have already done this to several hoarding victims. True stories.

Instead, I was there to save the day. Like any organizing hero, I prepared to clear the room to have her sort what she wanted to keep. And, with my help, she wouldn't be keeping most of it.

As I was clearing the room of papers, boxes, tapes, books, clothing, you name it, it became more and more evident that the abuse of her belongings stemmed from lack of care. And, it could be that she had every reason not to care, since she seemed to have suffered from a bad marriage.

I wondered though, what came first? The mess leading to a bad marriage, or the bad marriage leading to the mess?

It didn't seem to matter anymore. She was ready for change. I was happy to witness her earnest dedication and see her progress to get her life back in control. She deserved to be helped and I was there to ensure she got it.

So, we loaded bins of stuff from the room, one stuffed bin at a time, until the room looked like movers just placed furniture in the room and left.

It was time to break the news to her: Little can come back to the room.

With that in mind, the woman sorted through her stuff like a trouper. She would have made any Hoarder Task Force proud. The rented dumpster filled up and we were half way to an organized life.

She tossed old, un-won lottery tickets, every "buy this" mail promotion, out-dated coupons, shopping bags she saved "just in case she needed one," tons of magazines she hadn't read for the past year, newspapers that had been read but kept because a trash can wasn't close by after she finished reading it, and many other items that she had no reason to keep after instant inspection.

The death of her past, cluttered life was at hand. And, as a fully rehabilitated and reborn woman in control, it was unlikely that she would revert to a life of clutter crime again.

Well, that's one gal who escaped the actions of the Task Force, if she were ever reported by an observant neighbor or disaffected visitor. I was tempted to contact the Force to show them her dumpster as proof that clutter criminals can be rehabilitated.

I'm invited over for dinner at the recently reborn woman's home, and I plan to take a bottle of wine. At least she won't have to find a place to put that -- except in our wine glasses to toast to her reclaimed life. "Here's to de-cluttered people everywhere, cheers!"

Copyright 2006 Cyndi Seidler. All Rights Reserved.

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